Boobies Basics: My letter to Rachel
As you know, I've been writing a series of articles for a local women's publication. The goal of the articles is to discuss common myths or misunderstandings about breast cancer from my experience. This article, however, I decided to write about my friend Rachel who I posted to the blog last April. She lost her battle with breast cancer in January and I wrote this article after my final visit with her. If you haven't visited her beautiful blog, you should -- it will make you smile and cry all at once. http://rachellevin.blogspot.com/
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I have found the work I do through Feel Your Boobies hugely gratifying, cathartic, motivating and meaningful. I’ve never felt this way about a job before. Being able to spend everyday pursuing something you’ve created and truly feel makes a difference in the world is a gift that breast cancer has given me. It centers me and it heals me.
Through my travels with Boobies so many amazing people have come into my life. New friends and mentors; people I would have never known had I returned to my “normal” life after breast cancer. But, by the nature of the beast, I am now surrounded by the possibility that one of my new friends or mentors might be taken from this world before their work is done. I’ve thought about this occasionally, but until recently it’s never really hit home.
My friend Rachel entered hospice care on a warm Friday in January with so much left to do in her life. She so gracefully fought breast cancer even though it was unstoppable in its mission to take over her body. Her will was strong enough to beat it, but her body and the unfathomable amount of chemotherapy she endured, in the end, was no match for the beast.
I met Rachel in March of last year. She was cancer-free at the time but only weeks away from finding out that her cancer had returned and spread to her liver, lungs, bones and soft tissue. I learned this on the day I was “celebrating” my 3 year anniversary from being diagnosed and it shook me to the core. For her, it was less than 2 years from her original diagnosis, and only months after getting married to the man of her dreams. A young woman in her 30’s very much looking forward to moving beyond breast cancer, but halted by this unwelcome news.
I felt an immediate bond with Rachel when we met. We were both very driven women and very much in love with the men we had waited nearly 35 years to find. We both were diagnosed in our 30’s with no family history of the disease and shared a burning desire to make a difference in the breast cancer community, but in a way that reflected our own creativity and experience with the disease.
In the beginning of Feel Your Boobies I viewed the work I did as a choice I made – I realized I didn’t have to dedicate my life to helping this cause. I didn’t have to open myself to the great losses I will inevitably feel or the reminders that this, too, could be my fate. I don’t have to, but I do. After visiting with Rachel and trying to absorb every bit of her that I could, I realized that doing Feel Your Boobies is no longer a choice for me – it’s so much a part of me now that I can’t imagine doing anything else.
I will miss Rachel with all of my heart. There is so much more we had to share. Even as I write this I fear she won’t have an opportunity to read it. But with her spirit woven into mine I know I can make a difference in my way and in a way Rachel would want too. Sweet dreams Rachel. Your life has touched so many.
